In the mid-1980s, Stacey Pinkerton, an ambitious young model, met Bill Cosby under the false promise that he would boost her career.
What was supposed to be a productive and exciting meeting to discuss career opportunities, quickly turned into something unexpected and horrific – a predatory trap that was strategically set up by a predator looking for his next victim.
Since then, Stacey has worked tremendously hard to manage her trauma and has become an advocate for other survivors, taking steps to improve education and legislation that supports survivors.
In this blog, we sat down with Stacey to talk about her life, her experiences, her trauma, and her ultimate passion – to help other survivors on their journey of self-love and healing.
Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
I grew up in the Southern part of the United States I spent my young adult youth in Chicago and ended up moving to Europe, settling in Spain. I’m a mother, a wife and an advocate for change and public policy. I’ve done a little bit of everything from modeling, and working as a first class flight attendant, to acting, to having a business and later loved volunteering as a foreign language medical interpreter at Spanish public hospital which I did every Sunday for close to a decade (as long as my health allowed it). I’ve done radio and television and am still doing theatre which happens to be great therapy. But the most important thing about my background is what I endured as a survivor of sexual assault has changed my life and led me to be someone whom I never expected to be and do things I never expected to do.
How do you feel females are treated in the entertainment industry?
Like prey. What I see is there is so much inequality. Not only in the modeling and entertainment industry, but in the corporate business world as well. Inequality is one of the reasons that I’m advocating for policy change – policies have not changed regarding sexual assault.
Why do you think the entertainment industries and the corporate world are so unfair to women?
I don’t think it’s just women that are treated that way – it can be a cruel world that we live in. Society has allowed it for so long because they’ve gotten away with it. So, why should anything change? People aren’t speaking up about it until recently. This is the reason why it is what it is – we have to change it. People are afraid of the power dynamics – they are often coerced and afraid of losing their job.
It sounds like you’ve lived in a variety of places – how has that experience been and has living in different places helped to shape who you are?
Moving was a coping mechanism for me. I moved because I was afraid for my life. It was a way for me to continue on. Moving in general is difficult – even if it’s in the same city. Moving from state to state and then across the Pacific and the Atlantic and then settling in Europe where I didn’t know anyone or speak the language, it shows how bad it was. Yes, it did shape who I became along with the ways I had to survive. I’m not the only one – a lot of people do that and that’s how they cope. They end up moving around just to be able to deal with life. It’s something I had to do for the situation I was in.
When you told people about the assault, how did they react?
Right away, when it happened to me, I told various people. The grooming and enabling started before I was raped. The horrific crime took place in a hotel – and I was held hostage. I was unconscious, but did not understand why, that I was drugged in a business dinner – when I came to, I was afraid for my life. I thought I had to be as quiet as possible because he [the abuser] was sleeping and his snoring is what woke me up. The first thing I did was struggle to make it down to the lobby and I demanded the hotel staff to call the police. They asked me what for? I felt they knew and just stared at me, but they did nothing.
“One of the doctors asked ‘Where did you grow up? Did you have some form of trauma?’ And I said ‘Yeah, I had trauma. I was raped, by this person [Cosby].’ And they said ‘Well, I really liked his comedy.’ Then they gathered that it was true. It just takes some time for things to sink in for some people.”
There’s sometimes and certain times when you can’t go into detail or people don’t know what to do with it, especially with it being someone so known and so idolized. So, I told my boyfriend as soon as I got home and he believed me and saw the state that I was in…I felt he just didn’t know what to do with that information. When I told friends they consoled me. I told a lawyer and he just said, ‘I’m not that kind of lawyer’. It just went on and on and on. It came to a point where I just said, ‘I have to leave’. Get as far away as possible. The rapist and his enablers knew where I lived, where I worked – I felt unsafe, terrorized.
“I told people [about the assault] but due to who it was, being famous, one of the top entertainers, people didn’t know how to handle it. They didn’t know what to do with that information.”
A lot of people don’t know how to deal with it. It’s like when someone gets diagnosed with cancer and people don’t know what to say. People often want to brush it under the rug or they whisper about it, because they feel like they aren’t supposed to talk about it. But it’s not our shame –Why should we have to whisper about it? Let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about sexual assault. Let’s talk about the lack of sex education. Let’s talk about what we need to do to hold perpetrators accountable. And not just them – the enablers. The enablers are just as guilty.
Studies like the ACES study show that survivors of childhood trauma are more likely to have health issues. What is your response to that?
A lot of people that survive sexual assault, not just children end up with long-term, chronic health diseases. They end with chronic pain, autoimmune diseases, metabolic syndromes, obesity and other eating disorders, addictions – be it substance abuse, alcohol, prescription medications or drugs. I’m a survivor of cancer also, so I always chose to live a healthy lifestyle. I always was very health conscious back then and now. I think the best thing to do if you’ve been through such violence is to reach out to other survivors, people like myself. You find someone who has been through it and understands, that is a proactive measure.
How has trauma affected your life (mentally, professionally, financially, physically, etc.)?
It still is (affecting) me. It has affected me in all aspects mentally, physically, professionally and with all of that financially. I ended up having a lot of chronic illnesses. It started right after I was drugged and raped. I ended up becoming very very sick, and no one could figure out what it was. I was hospitalized over and over and over and I lost time from work. Illnesses led me to try other careers which in the end were impossible to sustain, but I kept trying to find something I could do until I couldn’t.
“But it catches up with you in ways that you don’t know. And you only find out in hindsight. The trauma for me was really bad when I ended up finding out that there were others – which there always are, they [abusers] don’t do it just once. That is one reason why I recommend if it happens to you that you report it somehow. Get it reported because it is happening to someone else.”
There’s a lot of different stages of trauma that I was trying to hurdle. But, back in between 2014 – this person [ the abuser] was going to be prosecuted and hopefully put into jail, I thought “how am I going to go through with this? Do you speak up? Do you not speak up?” I was concerned for my health.
And financially, because I had health issues and because of leaving my work, I had nothing. I just moved and started a new life, but like I said the health conditions, they follow you. I knew what being silenced did to me, and I had to take a chance to see if it helped me. I will never be silenced again.
Predators often hide in plain sight. They are teachers, priests, police officers, and celebrities. They are often well-liked and described as nice. society has trouble understanding how they could be SO wrong about someone and missed warning signs.
What are some of the subtle signs of a predator?
Well they’re always nice – they’re nice before and they’re nice after. Usually, they are someone you know and trust. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to get away with it. Rarely does it happen with someone jumping out of the bushes. People are just naïve about it because we don’t want to acknowledge what’s going on in front of us. They choose to not be uncomfortable.
“Well they’re always nice – they’re nice before and they’re nice after. Usually they are someone you know and trust. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to get away with it.”
Society often discourages females from showing anger. When we do feel angry, we are often labeled an “angry, crazy woman” or we are told we are “irrational” or “overdramatic”. How, as a survivor, do you deal with anger?
We live in such a patriarchal-dominated society. Women in some instances (especially the modeling and entertainment industry) are told to be seen not heard. So, women tend to suppress things to avoid conflict in the workplace and at a times in the home environment. I think the generation right now is better able to show their true feelings, including anger, which rightfully so. Every emotion has a reason and a purpose. When I was going to come forward to be a witness, I was told ‘Oh you know, this is just what happens to women. Let someone else do it.’ And that was a woman talking to me, and I realized that in certain generations, that’s what they did – they suppressed it.
But yeah – women suppress anger. And yeah if you do speak up you often are labeled a “bitch”. But who cares? You got to get it out and it’s an emotion. We have to use our voices. We aren’t going to change anything if we stay submissive and quiet and don’t express our anger. Yeah – I’m rightfully angry and I’ve been angry. We need to have a way to express what we are going through. And how we feel. How I deal with the emotion of anger is use my voice for a safer society with education and change in public policy. I take the negative energy and use it for change and try to always be in the present.
Can you speak about your use of the term “abuse of power”?
I want to educate the public and change terminology of sexual assault. I call it abuse of power. Calling it sexual assault, does something to the mind and affects one’s sexuality, intimacy. So why are we calling it sexual assault? It has nothing to do with sex. Sex is supposed to be something beautiful, something loving, a consensual act. Another reason I call it that is because power and misusing a power differential impacts people by coercion. It is always with someone who is in power of authority above the victim – whether its size, age, a financial dependence, whether it’s a teacher or a parent or a neighbor or your fire chief or your police officer or your favorite entertainer or your favorite singer and let’s not forget employer or spouse. It’s something that someone has that makes them above and or an authoritative position which makes the other person more vulnerable.
I formed a subject course called The Abuse of Power. I did this through a post graduate institute who teaches executive assistants and personal assistants, which generally tends to be women. They were teaching them on how to be professionals with the 1% of the world. These personal and executive assistants are not being trained on how to handle these situations, because you can’t go to HR – HR works for the company, they’re going to try to protect the company and prevent them [survivors] from speaking out. Personal assistants also often don’t have an HR team – they work for an individual.
In my course we cover legal aspects, non-disclosure agreements, how to handle red flag situations, setting boundaries. Learn to say NO. Because they are either willingly or unwillingly enablers – doing what their employer wants, because that’s their job so to speak and that’s what they’re paid to do. Therefore, they need to know that something that they could do, could be causing someone life-long harm.
What are your thoughts on the documentary We Need to Talk About Cosby?
That documentary, in my opinion, was just too much about Cosby. Of course, they had to show who he was, how he got to where he was, but I thought it focused a bit too much on who he was. I didn’t answer for a long time to confirm whether I wanted to participate – first of all because I didn’t trust and it took me many, many months to mull it over. Finally, I thought, now he was in prison and was going to be there for awhile so I was safe to let loose a bit more and thought it could help me to heal more. And then he was let out [of prison] during the making of the documentary. W. Kamau Bell [the director] did a wonderful job with survivors. The whole team was very respectful. I think everyone was a bit terrified to even touch on the subject because of who it was. This documentary had the ability to open the doors for a lot of other documentaries. And there’s so much more that can and should be covered.
I’ve heard of another documentary called The Case Against Cosby – What are your thoughts on that documentary?
The Case Against Cosby had five other Cosby survivors in it – one of them being Andrea Constand. It was aired in many countries except in the United States to date. A large part of the documentary is filmed in Canada where it premiered. I participated also in this documentary. In this particular documentary, it discusses the legal aspects. It explains how perpetrators behave featuring legal experts, forensic psychologists, and a medical doctor who is a trauma expert. Based on Andrea Constand’s book The Moment. Some of the Cosby Survivors gathered together to touch on the trauma, their stories and how we can attempt to heal.
Can you talk a little bit about your work surrounding legislation and consent?
I have been trying to change the laws in the states and work on defining consent. We don’t have a definition of consent. If you do have a case where you end up coming forward, they’re rarely prosecuted – less than 1% ever, ever even get to that level. So, if you do get there, and you’re in a courtroom in front of a jury, if the juror asks the judge to define consent, and there’s no definition of consent, you could end up in a mistrial, and we don’t ever, ever, ever want to see that. So, I started working with the consent awareness network to work with legislators to get a definition of consent based on the noun. Freely given, knowledgeable and informed agreement by a person with the capacity to reason.
What are your thoughts on sexual assault statute of limitations?
A lot of people don’t know about the statute of limitations. People don’t go around just knowing this stuff. The predators know, but the victims don’t. Everyone needs to have an opportunity to come forward if they are ready and let the prosecutors decide. This crime keeps happening because society allows it. If the statute of limitations was eliminated across the country, I think we would have less sexual assaults and rapes.
What advice would you give a survivor that has not told a single soul about their abuse?
Reach out – it’s not your shame, we need to put that shame on the perpetrator. The only way we can do that is by telling the people that need to be told. And you can remain anonymous if you want to. But you don’t need to keep it to yourself, because you’re not going to heal and you’re not going to progress. I mean, there’s a lot of us out there that are using our voices for change. And there’s no need to be quiet, because it’s not your shame.
an abuser only holds power when he/she has enablers. Can you speak about the environment of cover-up and complicity in the entertainment industry?
What happened to me took place in a business aspect. I was informed that they [Bill Cosby and others] were going to help my career and it was a business dinner. I was drugged – something was dropped in my food or my drink, but I was not aware. It was supposed to be a business dinner and I was not alone [initially] with Cosby. There were six or seven other people at the table. That’s why I say that there’s so many enablers – it takes a village of enablers to allow one predator to get away with what they do. These enablers have to be held accountable. When I shared this story in a training with executive assistants from around the world, they were so grateful. They shared with me their stories, and they told me it happened with their employer and that they couldn’t lose their job. Can you imagine going to a toxic environment like that every day? Consent never takes place when “No” is not an option – once again the power dynamics and misusing power impact people by coercion and the fear of the consequences if you don’t comply.
“That’s why I say that there’s so many enablers – it takes a village of enablers to allow one predator to get away with what they do.”
We’ve talked about shame and how that deters survivors from coming forward. Are there other reasons survivors don’t tend to come forward in the entertainment industry?
I think a lot of survivors often don’t speak up, because they’re so worried about defamation. Especially if it’s someone who is CEO of a company, or a major industry, or a celebrity or they have money. I think another factor is finances. Something I compare it to like getting a terminal illness. Say, for example, the doctor tells you that you have stage four cancer. And the first thing you’re worried about is bankruptcy, where you can’t afford treatment. It’s the same with survivors of rape and sexual assault.
Can you tell me a little bit about Project Callisto?
Project Callisto is very important and everyone should be aware of it – especially if they’re at the age of entering university. It’s a database, where if you are in a university, and you are sexually assaulted, you can go to Project Callisto (it’s anonymous) and enter information about the assault. They take the information, put it in their database, and if someone else reports that they were abused by the same person, they connect the survivors with each other. That also gives them more courage to know that they’re not alone. Then they can choose what to do with the information and Project Callisto guides them.